sp. Past Lives – Blood Pact – Friday the 13th

DO I BELIEVE IN PAST LIVES? Yes.  Can I prove it? No .. but I know I knew you My Love, from long before this current lifetime ..

I had asked 2 Psychics/Spiritual Beings about my past life with My Love.  And was told that I had 12 with him.  Lives that involved travel over the oceans, being siblings, husband and wife, captured harem … and the BLOOD PACT.   

I am still exploring this area as I personally have yet to encounter an incident that proves that I have memories of a past life.  My Love is/was the first time I even contemplated this concept.  You know this concept of “Love at first sight” – in all my years, I have not ever had a deep feeling that I actually KNOW a person after just meeting them.  Our bond I felt, was strong – despite his disorder. Even now, many months later – I still feel it.  I feel him in me …

We apparently made a blood pact in a previous lifetime before we ended our lives together – slashed wrists, crossed and held our wrists – and jumped.. BUT I think it is time we set ourselves free in this lifetime. Despite our bonds being so strong. I know we have been together before – the feelings between us are so strong .. unimaginable. 

But surely there can’t be happiness in so much madness.  Which Succubus did you make a contact with? I hope you find a way out …

My heart I know, belongs to you and I knew you even before I even met you … but during our time together,  when being with you hurts so much due to your madness and treatment of me, I wished I could rip my heart out at times.

But lately, since you released me ever so slightly,  I feel that maybe, just maybe – we can just love each other from afar. Please don’t hoover me anymore – Let me go –  if you truly love me.

Wild African Dog

Psychopath Gallery – N.S.P Codex

Psychopath Gallery – “N.S.P – CODEX”

Narcissist; Sociopath; Psychopath … The types of toxic relationships with roots that drain you of all emotion and leave you a Hollow Self.  An emotional vampire .. my psychopath. I was a Supply for so many aspects of your life.

But then, you have always been my Muse with all your sad, weird life stories and confronting thoughts about what the true principles of life should be.   You showed me a side of life so different to mine, that it made me feel so alive.  It felt so special just to be me when I was with you.

Thank you for bringing Art back into my life.

 

Recovery from the Psychopath – Burn the cord

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When I learnt what I had to deal with after discovering I had been involved with a psychopath – the long long road to recovery hit me.   The mental work that had to be done in order to get through the trauma of the relationship (whilst still suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was extremely daunting. Aside from reading billions of books, researching the internet and gaining an understanding of this disorder, working out what treatments were effective and where to get help from – Due to the privacy of the relationship, I had to do all this quietly, whilst maintaining a front of normalcy on a daily basis. 

It is truly disheartening to read about others who are still stuck in the realm of being in a love state with the psychopath.  In fact, it makes me want to download a program into the brain of the victim that show them what they are missing out seeing in reality – the missing gaps to the story! The WASTED hours spent pining for “lost love” and “fake love” – imagine the energy we could harness!

I had prepared a self made recovery plan a few months ago and I will try to put it into place in order to piece my life back together.  One of the things I have found very difficult is – getting professional help. 

The professionals whom I saw were unable to diagnose the situation.  During my sessions, I found the psychologists were either a blank wall to talk to or they were more interested in psychoanalysing my family lines, my childhood and my life story to make connections between me and my life history.  I think when a client comes in very distressed being a relationship where there is are very strong symptoms of LOVE HATE OBESSED/CONFUSED, there is a very simple question checklist one can refer to assess if a psychopath is involved.   I understand that ANY relationship problem or issue would be a difficult one to assess and/or help resolve, but if the professional can home in on the NATURE of the parties involved, it would help the client get to core of the issue quicker .. Psychopathic abuse.

… and when I finally found out what I had been involved with, when one of professionals said “treatment for all trauma recoveries are the same”, I have up looking for help and knew I had to help myself.

I did speak to a psychologist who on his website said he had a lot of dealings with psychopaths but due to his new direction in life – dedicated to assisting war veterans, he was unable to take my case on.  He did share with me that a friend of his did self administer her own recovery plan from a psychopathic relationship and it took her five years to get through it.

SO, here my plan … to be shared -if it helps …

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ACCEPT -ACKNOWLEGE – “A”FREEMENT – APPRECIATE -ACT ON IT

1. ACCEPT – that he is a Psychopath.  And with that comes the knowledge that Psychopaths unfortunately cannot change.  If they do change, it will be temporary change to suit the situation. They may be able to alter their behaviour for a short term to accommodate the expected normal behavioural change, BUT in the long run, I believe that they will revert to their normal mode of behaviour.  If you decide to give it another chance, you may be happy for a little while or may be even a few years, but from my experience and upon reading others, it is not going to be a long term change.

ACCEPT all the traits that their personality disorder carries.  Accept that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE” who can save him.  You are not Neo in “The Matrix” here.  The “loving” things you did for him – emotional support, financial support, love, intimacy, unquestionable dedication and conviction to his cause in life,  accommodation, food substance, bearing and having his kids – all nice, but inconsequential.   No one can save him (no one can save anyone) – except themselves.

ACCEPT that you may never get a full true answer of what really happened or why things worked out the way they did because THERE ISN’T ONE. 

ACCEPT that for these types of relationships, you may never get a true closure like you do in a normal relationship. Even after discard by either of you, the psychopath may continue to hoover and when you try to get an answer out of them (re:their actions) their lies will continue to flow.   If you keep looking, peeking or responding in any way,  you will never be able to resolve and move on.  In this aspect, that is why NO CONTACT is critical.  You need some space and time apart to “clear the fog” in your brain.   If you continue to maintain contact and have discussions with the psychopath, your mind will continue to ponder and question these things – “he is a psychopath .. did mean what he just said?” – “he said he is regretful, is he truly sorry?” – “he says he loves me, can he change?” – “he truly now wants to be with me, do I give us another go?” – “he wants to be my friend, but he also wants more?” – “he just wants to keep in touch to make sure I am OK, so does it trigger my emotions every time I see a message from him on my phone?”.  With all these doubts in your mind you will slow or impair your ability to recover and move on.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE –  Go back through the history of events and emotions and acknowledge that “you were duped”!!! Yes, you were tricked into providing a service or supply of some sort.  He needed you for something, otherwise he would not have approached you. Sorry.. I hate to be honest. Even I struggle with this aspect – that I have been lied to hard to understand and deal with .. all the messages of love (love bombing) that I received.

Acknowledge your own set of personal traits that have led to this event happening to you.  Analyse them. Make changes.  There is a part of you that allows other to take you for granted more than others around you.  Some of my friends would have already walked off long ago and said “Stuff you – why tolerate this?” to my love.  But for me .. love and too much tolerance? [I have yet to read Sandra Brown’s “Women who Love Psychopaths” but from the excepts seen on the internet, the list of characteristics are not too dissimilar. ]

Acknowledge it will take some time/ perhaps a long time even to recover .. and that the days and years will continue to rollercoaster emotionally from moment to moment. You will find a lot of things such as memories or flashbacks that may make you sad, teary, anxious, angry, confused… You may even find that you start to distance yourself from others who don’t understand your situation or appear unsympathetic and say “get over it and move on”.  Very few friends remain interested in your pain for the duration that you will endure it, or can sustain the sympathy to hold you throughout.  It is OKAY – you will be fine and you will get through this.  You just need to believe that life without him is going to be a good one.

3. “A” FREEMENT –  There is ANGER at the seriousness of the situation; the stupidity and naivety from your part; the suffering and tears; and not to mention, the actual  arsehole/abuser himself.  I think this overlaps a part of the grieving stage and acceptance of being duped.   You need to FREE yourself and  LET IT GO – the anger/ the rage/ the wrath .. the whole idea of the relationship ever meaning anything to him.  

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Feel the Anguish / Anxiety and let it go too..

Free yourself of the cords from trauma bonding and the pervasive and obsessive memories.  I will post another about a spiritual side of this process as I believe to truly free yourself all metaphysical bonds need to be broken as well. 

Try to LET IT ALL GO – all hope of being together and all that anger at being deceived to and at being used. 

4. APPRECIATE – Appreciate yourself and the goodness you have in you. Appreciate the good things that are left around you.  Appreciate that you are not the only one who has gone through this and been blinded.  Appreciate the kindness shown by others and those who are close to you.  Appreciate that this experience means that no one is ever going to step over your personal boundaries again.  Appreciate your new self – stronger; more defined; different; protected – but with the core inner beauty/empathy that you always had.

It will be hard to find faith in others again.  At times, your fences are so high that you don’t believe that new people you meet can be trusted.  But do continue to trust yourself.  And to a certain degree I also stopped wanting to accommodate those already in my life, almost like pulling back from engaging in all friendships and relationships.  BUT Life goes on and not everyone is out to use you.  Continue to trust yourself – but with boundaries.  

5. ACT ON IT  – Go forth and start picking the pieces of your heart up and super gluing it back together. Every bit of our body is renewed over a 7 year period – guess we will have a new heart by then! Go forth and change what you don’t like about the way that others treat you. Go forth and take this experience, and do something with it – Go forth and make yourself happy with a life that YOU determine the outcome for.  This has been a life lesson that has been valuable.

Some victims are still triggered and affected years later .. that can be very hard to fathom – but if YOU don’t make an effort to regain yourself, it will continue to haunt you. The Trauma Bonding, the Cognitive Dissonance, the Hoovering causes continued grief and your synapses cannot reapply new associations.

To be honest – KNOWING all that is the easy bit – changing your mind set if the hard bit.

=> Allow yourself some leeway it is not easy. It is trauma…

=> if you can remind yourself of the harsh moments and lies etc you have been through in this relationship. Go through THOSE memories in your head.

=> if you can physically do something else that distracts you please try. Anything that takes your mind re-focus away from NSP.

=> Say your favourite “words” to yourself that validate You, not him.

Be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel bad that you still feel this way about him. You just do. We want to do the right thing by the people around us. But it is important to re-wire your brain when you do feel this way… we CAN CHANGE the way we feel. Eventually.

There is NO OBLIGATION for you to feel any pity or “sorryness” towards them. Believe me if they are truly a NSP – they don’t need it. They will not be able to use any of it. They will manage just fine and it is just a game to them. 

And I really don’t feel any of the wondering we do if they are ok is justified. When my love sent me a message about him self harming which caused me to freak out and worry for days.. I found out a few later it was “just words”. He indicated to me he was just testing me for  a reaction. So i also guess ALL his sad looks and voice tones to show me he misses me .. all put on by him  – “for a reaction”.

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This plan was written 6 months ago and it has finally taken me till now to realise that to act on it the very first step is the paragraph below.

You need to REVALIDATE YOURSELF – “I DON’T NEED HIM TO DEFINE ME. I AM ENOUGH”.  With Trauma Bonding or Dominance Bonds this first step is important.  You need to realize that the psychopath and the relationship has not been good for you. It has been unhealthy and has eaten though you to the core.  This realization may take sometime for you to get to in the course of your recovery BUT until you can feel it,  it won’t work.  

When you want to take this step ie. redefining yourself,  you will realise that YOU ARE DONG THIS FOR YOU …  Not him, Not anyone else.  You want to protect yourself because you are enough and that you have had enough of all this.   Be strong and don’t let anyone hurt you the way the psychopath did again.  The FWits don’t deserve a friend or lover or wife or work colleague or anything from you.

BURN the connecting cord I say!!

 

That dog is “Rusty” by the way, God knows what he is gazing at.

 

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Other readings that may be useful …

http://fractalenlightenment.com/37227/life/seven-signs-you-may-be-unfuckwithable

 

Psychopathic Relationships – How they play

There are many fun games in Psychopath Land and one of them is called “Recycle the Relationshit”.  

Not all psychopaths play this game but I would say the majority of them do.  For some reason, the pattern is SO SIMILAR that it is like they ALL graduated from the same relationship school!! They generally also have similar sentences and use the same sense of  “logic” when they are manipulating the direction of relationship.   My love was more of a sexual psychopath and he loved women – women is general .. as sex objects.  So the challenge at the end of the day was to get her hooked and for her to disclose as mush of herself to him.

Don’t be fooled that they don’t know what they are doing.  From what I can see now in hindsight, my love controlled  most of the stages we went through. Setting up little “tests” along the way to see how I would re-act. When I found out he was a psychopath, I could not believe HOW PREDICTABLE his moves had been, based on they way a psychopath runs a relationship.  I will try to explain how during the course of a psychopathic relationship, using a gaming analogy as below. 

The Rules of playing this game in are :- NONE. But you have to “Do what it takes to BREAK.” However, there are always four game stages – DESIRE – DENY – DEVALUE – DISCARD in each Level. And this cycle tends to follow each time you get lured back in with “I am so sorry – I made a mistake and want you back” type scenarios.  At the end of the day,  IT IS UP TO YOU  how many times you allow yourself to be caught in this loop of manipulation. 

TYPES OF TARGETS

If Target is single and available, that is Level 1.

If Target is married or is unavailable, that is Level 2.

If Target was a former target who now refuses to acknowledge you and has not responded to your hoover attempts, that is Level 3.

If Target was a former target in Level 3 and you have not had contact for a few years, that is Level 4.

The Aim is to: BREAK – Break down Target’s barriers, make Target yours, play a while, Deny them, Devalue and then Discard Target. If they discard you first, then you have restart at Stage 1 or concede a total loss.

Additional points scored if —

A. The Target is substantially weaker at the end of the relationship by showing any of these symptoms: depression; attempted suicide; damaged relationships with family or friends (to be with you); falls into an uncontrollable heap each time you ignore her  

B.  You reduce the number of attempts or steps you take to break down target’s barriers.

C. Target has sacrificed substantial financial or lifestyle benefits without you having to repay Target. 

D. Target knows you have another woman (or more) on the side and still chooses to be with you.

THE DIFFERENT STAGES

At DESIRE – go all out to make her feel like she is like no other.  Use words like “forever” “can’t live without you” “must have all or nothing” “never felt like this with anyone else”.  It also helps to ask basic questions like “is THIS what love feels like?” “Should I leave because I can’t keep myself away from wanting you?”.   Message as many times as you can – up to 100 a day is recommended.  In addition,  tell Target how everyone in your family has abandoned you from an early stage and you feel so alone and suicidal most of the time.  If you are with a current partner, don’t forget to discredit them – too fat, lazy, not understanding. But always throw in a good word for your partner so that you seem like you want to love them… but things are just rough at the moment. Pay Target lots of eye contact and always look deep into their eyes when having a conversation. Always ask for their view or opinion. Throw in a way out warped sexual view of the world to test Target’s reaction ie. how far Target would let you take things. [LOVE BOMBING]

At DENY – this is the litmus testing stage to see how much you have managed to roped Target in.  Start with messaging her less or not even messaging her.  [SILENT TREATMENT]. (After the Love Bombing,  this is your rest period to ignore current Target and look for new ones.) Try to break up with Target and judge her reaction. Make up an excuse that you want to try to be with partner or maybe you feel more strongly than Target does and you are therefore left vulnerable.  Voice tone is important and uncertainty in really wanting to break up must be conveyed. If you have successfully secured Target at the DESIRE stage, Target’s reaction at the DENY stage will be your best indicator. Good indicators can be anything from begging to out right meltdowns due to Target not being able to live without you. [TRAUMA BONDING has set in.]

At DEVALUE – use other women to make Target feel unsure of herself. It can be that you look and comment about others while you are on a date with Target. Or how much you really miss other women in your past. Or show Target photos of other women on fb that you are looking at.  But never forget to occasionally praise Target for being the only one there for you – unlike every one else who has abandoned you.  And high level players should be managing more than one Target at a time by this stage. Overseas Targets are also a good for variety in your portfolio.

At DISCARD – this is where you need to be careful.  Depending on your situation, you don’t want to piss any of your Targets off in case they carry critical information about you that might alert the authorities. Play this stage with caution if you want to succeed.  The aim is to discard with maximum impact to Target and minimum impact to you.

Once at end of the DISCARD stage you may choose to recycle the relationshit and re use current Target via HOOVERING techniques or just let Target wallow in their pain.  If Target pulls out of the game before you are ready for DISCARD you should go in again and finish her off properly.  The should be only one Winner. YOU.

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During the course of my relationship, I think I went through this cycle of stages about 5 times.  Sometimes the discard was to a lesser degree ie. less ruthless or cruel.  BUT I finally decided late last year that it was not making any sense and I made a break for it.  I hope to maintain this break in totality but when I break and do allow contact, then I see more of the “real him”.  That his actions only validate his past trends.  It has not been easy to not get hurt each time, but in doing so,  I can finally see and realise that he will NEVER change his basic personality in the long run – to use and abuse.

Ah my love, was it not enough that you made me help you look for accommodation for your new woman who was coming from “other” country to be with you?  That is hurt me you chose her and not me despite all your declarations of love?  That you discarded me for her… and in the end she never did come.  And all you could say was “it was obvious that it wasn’t going to happen.  And I didn’t find it amusing that you indicated 3 of us would work well together.  At this stage I had to get you out of my life despite you saying “I will leave when I want to.”   Thank God I managed to do this without incurring your wrath and vengeance.

At the same time I could not bear the thought of you being alone by yourself with no support from anyone.  Was it not enough that I sat through your court cases with you to ensure you were safe and didn’t get time, before I said bye – because there were so many others on the side and my heart was breaking from not being able to understand why you couldn’t settle for one woman.  You told me that the only woman who would keep you forever  was “one who could evolve”   ie.  YOU need variety and promiscuity is what you are telling me.

But recently you came back into my life again.  You needed to play the DISCARD all over again now – while your current woman is away on holidays and you wanted to see if you could rope me back in.  I get it.  You had a spare 10 days and you found time to play the “Recycle the Relationshit”.   Ok ok YOU WIN.  I let you back in thinking or wanting to believe you had changed but it is still the same game you play filled with hurt and lies. I love you but these inconsistencies you demonstrate in your personality and reliability as a basic human truly scare me.  I want to be there for you but I fear if I stayed in the game I will be totally destroyed.  I had to let go in November after working out you were a psychopath.   But today, after your discard, I am in pain all over again. I hope you are happy that you did the discard.  Your ego needed that win.  It is okay,  I understand you.  I have for a long time now without knowing.  I just wish that my heart would stop searching for a part of you that might show compassion.

As a reader of this post, you might not understand WHY and WHAT makes a Target stay despite the things that are obviously so wrong.  I give you one word.. LOVE.  The blinding and unrelenting need to show the psychopath UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.   And to a large degree over time, his training you to rely on him for self worth is also an unseen part of the relationship ,  which I will write about separately.   I won’t make excuses for my lack of judgment but in my heart,  I thought I could help and that he really loved me.  I will never come to any real conclusion is what I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

Today I declare the PSYCHOPATHIC GAME “Recycle the Relationshit”  now and forever – OVER.  YOU WIN.

I don’t care – I just want to walk away from all your manipulation and sick games.

 

 

 

 

Ending a relationship with NO CLOSURE

Victims often find it hard to end a Psychopathic Relationship – Often the victim HAS to walk away, having NO CLOSURE to the relationship.  Either you leave the psychopath or he leaves you.  It is rarely amicable. Unlike in a normal relationship generally, both parties get to sit down, talk things over and decide, “Oh well, it is better we part as it is not going to work”.

If you leave him, you run the risk of him being vicious and vindictive as he is not ready to let go, or if he lets you “go”, you will be hovered and pursued again after some time has elapsed.

If he leaves you – it tends to be sudden and then there is generally silence.  The psychopath has either latched on to another source of supply or has realised his relationship with his current supply (whom he was playing off against you) needs saving.

But if you don’t leave you will  continue to argue with the psychopath about why he treated you “that way” or lied.  But try ..  you need time as you are SO confused, you need space to think.  By then your mind is full of jumbled thoughts and “jumping monkeys” that you no longer live in the space of the current time.

WALKING AWAY when I still loved my love so much was one of the most painful and hardest things I have had to do.  He wasn’t ready to let me go and he wasn’t happy that I then had control over the relationship.  He was so used to testing and teasing me with the line “OK – This is it then ..” to which I would then retract my accusations and accept the situation as it was.  But this time, I found the courage and strength to start the “No Contact” process.  Victims need to go No Contact even if it is for a short time to start off.  I urge you if you can, have a break, a small one if you can’t think of it forever. Try to set a time frame of 2 weeks .. 1 month .. 3 months to start.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE PAST THE FOG IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRAPPED IN IT.

Here are some questions I have for the my love, the wolf…

• WHAT does it feel like to want to devour another – body, mind and soul?
• DID you really love me – in whatever capacity you had? ie. Did I mean something to you compared to the others?
• WHEN your soul is empty do you fill yourself up with the emotions from others? Is that why you find it unbearable to be on your own with your own company? Without these emotions would you really feel bored? Couldn’t you just join a soccer team and do sport like other people do?
• IS this game or intention something you actually get joy out of? ie. making friends with unsuspecting women/teenagers to try to get them to say they love you or send you a photo of themselves within a maximum of 6 messages?
• IS life all about getting a person to confide in you – you feel like it is “win” that they trust YOU – a total online stranger – with all their deep secrets?
• I read that you actually can’t feel empathy or love (as best as we can define it) – or CAN you? If you can, does it ever last and how long? Was I one of the longest you had?
• WHY do you get bored with women so easily and move from one to another?  Is it that once you have studied them sufficiently, you need new challenges?
• DOES the knowledge that someone really loving you NOT mean anything to you?
• WHICH bits of your life stories that you have told me are real?
• Do you know I truly feel sorry for you in the sense that you will land up old and lonely just like your dad in his dying days? You hated him so much for leaving you and your mum and for being a womaniser but yet you are just like him…
  

I gave you – Me, My Heart and Unconditional Love. EVEN NOW – knowing what you are – if I knew you were in an accident or really needed help, I would still come.  I think I will always feel this way even with the passing of time. I love you, you dickhead Psychopath.

But for now- I have to cut my losses. Too much was not making sense and I was getting sick of the silent treatment and the dismissive devaluing comments.

MORE TO FOLLOW:  Leaving a Psychopath is a dangerous move.

 

 

 

The start of Cognitive Dissonance

I didn’t even know of  this term, “Cognitive Dissonance” – prior to my suicidal thoughts.  The fact that my brain had been so… to put it mildly, mind-fucked by him over the years we were together.  

To start the story – My love, being a psychopath knew exactly what to do to get what they need for the moment and the result he wanted. He studied me and knew how to make me smile, and feel loved, and wanted. Just like he had studied many others before me.

A PSYCHOPATH WATCHES AND/OR STUDIES HIS SUBJECTS.  HE IS A HUMAN OBSERVER – MUCH LIKE HOW WE LOOK AT MOLECUALR STRUCTURES THROUGH THE MICROSCOPE.

I think he would have made a great behavioural consultant with all his conclusions on human behaviour based on his observations over the years.  He made a career of it. He loved sitting back and watching the human traffic go by, making comments about what he thought of them, their background, how/why they dressed the way they did and speculate on their confidence level based on their walk and movements.  This included observations as to whether they would be a good “target”.  He never used that word of course,   but now I know what he meant. The ability to study human behaviour, body language and the power of observation, is definitely one of the key asset my love had.   The really pretty girls are insecure – why? they would anything to protect their popularity.  The less/ least attractive ones are most willing to please and will do anything in the bedroom. This father is hitting on his daughter – you can see how she hangs around him. On-line participants were as assesses based on their responses and their on-line profile pictures.

A psychopath observes and stores your reactions and  information for later to use to manipulate.  While all this is happening, you unknowingly fall in deep love like no other time in your life. How?

A PSYCHOPATH CAN ABSOLUTELY DEVOUR YOU WITH THEIR ATTENTION AND MAKE YOU THE FOCUS OF THEIR LIFE.

They pay attention and LOVE BOMB you.  They know how much to lay down on the line and then pull back on (imagine a fisher man angling).  They are always asking and probing about your thoughts, views and intrigued with your life.  It is a data collection process, to be used later against you. I will be totally honest now in saying – to achieve and maintain the level of intense interest a psychopath gives you at the initial infatuation stage – no normal person has that capacity.  Why? Because it is like doing a Masters Degree in a zipped file format. That’s pretty tiring  and you have to be good at it.  YES when a “normal” couple are interested in each other, they do talk a lot, are engrossed and they do exchange information and affection. But they don’t “play games with emotions” and they allow the passage of time to pass to ensure the relationship grows in a stable manner. My love hurried. I was attracted but really wanted more time and to go slowly.

By though the love bombing, things happen so fast, you are caught in a whirlwind romance and get courted off your feel. So everything you do is at a faster pace and whilst it is out of your control, it is not out of his. Once again, I stipulate, one needs to find the psychopath attractive in the first place for all this to work. If he is unattractive to you, you would not even be with him. If you are not attracted, none of this will get very far as you would have told the person normal or other wise to get lost. 

A PSYCHOPATH CAN PLAY GAMES WITH YOUR MIND, SAY AND DO THINGS TO CONFUSE TO ABSOLUTELY CONFUSE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

As psychopaths are pathological liars, it is hard to know which bits are real. So when my love said one thing, I believed him. But the next time he recounts the same thing, he throws in something else that makes you do a double take and think.. “Noooooo, you didn’t quite say it that way last time”. Or – he says one thing and does exactly the opposite in action. Which makes you doubt his integrity ever so slightly.  Or – he says purports a belief which contradicts what he knows is against your moral grain. You get my drift, mind fuck and black lies.

So over time, between been love bombed and mind fucked, you have loose threads in your brain that get tangled and you spend all you time unraveling them. THIS IS THE START OF CD. More and more inconsistencies accumulate and you start to question your perception of  him and be uncomfortable with yourself – conflicting beliefs, attitudes and/or behaviours.  When you start to have doubts or arguments within yourself, this produces a feeling of conflict and discomfort.  What you see and hear and are told, IS NOT what you experience in another form.

 So for me,

On one hand ……..– he knew what to do or say to make me feel good about myself

– he knew what made me SMILE (like winking or doing silly faces or distracting me when I was speaking to someone from behind their back)
– he knew his  compliments and show of show interest in me physically, made me feel good (always interested what I wore)
– he knew that by talking to me about his sad life stories and how disadvantaged he was, that I was happy to help him out  and listen to him.     – he knew topics and subject matters which intrigued me and would tell me about his similar experiences    – he knew my moods .. he knew me… he mirrored. …. And he had the nicest voice, green eyes and cheeky smile – which is always a plus.

On the OTHER hand …… – he knew what to do to make me doubt me and doubt my self judgment of him

–  he knew I was enough of a confident person and would undermine my self confidence by bringing in concepts of love with other women. Let me tell you this – I do not like being a person who acts jealous. to me if the person is with you, they are with you.  Yet he told me how despite him loving me, he had feelings for ….his fiancée … as well as his previous fiancée, and others throughout his life.  I now recognise these as TRIANGULATION tactics.

In a way, I felt most sorry for his ex-current fiancée in that she was always pitched against her two teenage daughters as a jealously ploy. I remember how he said to me one day that she had said “If you are so interested in my daughter, go **  her”.  I cannot imagine the anguish she must have felt… she also apparently threw a KNIFE at him! A REAL pity that she missed! She would have been fully in love, knowing he had lovers and was also eyeing her kids at home.- he also eyed the girls at work and female customers- happy to be inciting jealousy on my end.

–  he knew I valued a “fairness” concept but he was tardy in his work ethics and rarely took responsibility for the errors he made or admitting to them. And when he did, it was always laughed off and brushed away as minor.  – he would abuse the other employees and threatened them until I told him he wouldn’t last if he kept it up…-

….. And there are many more examples I can cite.

All these CONFLICTING feelings about the things he did, unknown to me, WAS the start of his play on my mind’s ethics and trusting myself.  How could my love be so loving to me but at the same time cause me so much great pain?

He says he has a had a hard life and others take advantage of him – BUT how is it that HE takes advantage of me and what I do?

He says that his family has abandoned but how is it he shows no concern when I need help?

A normal less empathetic person would have said at some stage – “Fuck Off”.  But – But – But  I BELIEVE IN HIM! He is deep down good and if only SOME ONE gives him a chance and sticks by him, he will be okay! He has had a hard life SO I MUST continue to be there to support and love him.  That way no matter what, he knows there is someone who will not let him down the way his family and those previous women in his life did.  There lies a major flaw – Empaths are really stupid in this way, if I may say so.

In living within a mindset that is constantly fighting within itself with thoughts that cause moral, emotional, judgmental issues I have set myself up as his play toy.  Prone to manipulation as I continue to be in the intense relationship. The start of Cognitive Dissonance … in a downward spiral motion.

 

Define a Psychopath

I doubt that this will be the first site you land up on researching a psychopath as there are so many out there now, including recovery forums. BUT if by chance you haven’t read about a psychopath and what who he/she is … in not so many words I would define it in layman’s terms  as “A Psychopath is a normal looking person who is generally charming and seductive … but who is also the greatest con artist /manipulator with no real ability to feel remorse when they hurt you.  Unfortunately they are wired that way and there is scientific proof via brain scan images to prove it.”

I am also going to qualify my definition by saying there are different grades or levels of psychopaths.  Not all are “mean” as they have the ability to supress their “meanness” if they choose to and there are different degrees of “meanness” they are capable of inflicting, depending on where they sit on the spectrum of this disorder.

I think whilst it is hard to label someone “a psychopath” it is very plausible that the final conclusion CAN come from a victim or a brain scan. Only a victim will know what their psychopath has really done and said that defines him as one. (Or he can be a self discovered psychopath like James Fallon.)  EVENTUALLY, a psychopath shows his inconsistencies and traits over a period of time.  A high scoring psychopath is much too clever to reveal to the medical/legal/clinical profession via questions and answers what he is really planning or plotting – he is after all, pretty smart.  Well – mine was anyway.  Even the Forensic Psychologist for the recent court case concluded that “the system had let him down and he is not to blame for the crime he committed”. 

When he was eleven, his mother sent him to a psychologist who did one of those tests – “put blob of ink then fold a paper in half  and see what patient interprets”. The whole time all he said was “I see a blob of ink on a piece of paper.” It drove her mad (along with other  questioning tactics that did not work)… and she wrote a letter to his mum stating she could not take on his case! He was stoked!

Psychopaths exist in all sections of our community but the general categories are:-

• Leaders – including CEOs and Political leaders (Picasso included!)
• Garden Variety – the acquaintances, work colleagues, friends, and family who surround us
• Criminals – I guess, these are the horrifically well documented cases that you would read about …

Not all Leaders and Criminals are Psychopaths, and not all Psychopaths are Leaders/Criminals.  But  in our everyday lives, it is the “Garden Variety Psychopath” whom we accidentally come across who completely blow our minds as we who are “psycho naïve” are not expecting to be slaughtered for showing kindness.  If the psychopath merely crosses your path and does not have a use for you, you will never even know of your chance encounter – he would be remembered as a very funny and charming  person/friend. 

The Robert HARE checklist PCL-R can be used as a general guide to assist you in assessing if traits of the person you are assessing resemble those of a psychopath.  Refer http://www.hare.org/scales/pclr.html.

So one has to assess after going through the checklist, on the BALANCE of probability whether  you think  the person concerned HAS a psychopathic disorder. Does he/she score high enough on the spectrum to be classified a psychopath?  A score above 30 on the checklist pretty much puts a person in the category of being a psychopath.  Look at then end of the day – we are all nuts in some ways.  But if you carry more nutty habits than the usual rat bag,  you would be TRUE NUTCASE right?

Of course like everything else in the world, psychopaths come in all shapes and sizes – there is NO singular defining look that they have.  I liked the way mine looked – I just hate that he faked everything to get what he wanted out of me and that I was naïve enough to want so strongly to help him change and lead a better life than prior to meeting me.

Here are the twenty traits to be assessed and scored as per the PCL-R  [Note: my comments/ observations of my love are in italics.]

• glib and superficial charm  — he was definitely charming!  Most ladies loved him. I was able to observe this and was constantly reminded by him of his ability to flatter. Eyed them up and down; loved to chat with anyone who would listen including transport drivers who came to pick up goods.  He had a way of making the ladies know that he was looking, paying attention to them and interested in what they had to say.
• grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self — most conversations eventually led to discussing him.  If I ever spoke ever about myself I could see his interest in our conversation waning… this was after the initial pursuit stage of course.  Although he did not have a high level of education (dropped out of middle school) he carried an air of authority.   He ALWAYS knew or has some opinion about things, including areas he was not an expert in.  In addition, I found it surprising that he told other people that he was well liked by other staff members and doing well in his vocation – which I knew was not true.  He never  doubted himself and he was rarely admitted he was wrong even when he was.  He also had a strong conviction that “I (he) can get ANY woman I want”.
• need for stimulation —  yes he got bored easily and liked  provoking people with outrageous statements to test their reactions … (but I won’t claim this one – I think all people need stimulation or they will get bored?)  This need however, did apply to his pre-occupation to get to know as many women (and to a lesser extent men) via the internet.  He loved  relating to me how he was able to extract personal information from strangers – especially if they put up a barrier initially.  Also collecting “personal” images was a huge hobby for him.  He would often qualify it by saying “It is not real!  I don’t see these people.”  He even managed to get two women to consider flying across the globe to start a new life here with him!  By the way, age was no barrier to his taunted victims.
• pathological lying — the best way to look at this one is – if you KNOW they have done something, and they tell you they told a close friend that they DID NOT…. then you do have evidence that they are lying right? And these instances are not for the cause of a “white lie” or just one offs. In job interviews he would say that he attended training or study at places that he did not … or make up stories to fill in the gaps in his life; or reasons for being sacked; or relationships breaking down; or why he stopped being friends with somebody; or why YOU misunderstood what he said; or you must have forgotten he told you something before; or how he did message you back (but he didn’t because you managed to see his trail of messages on HIS phone and there was actually no reply).  I think this also leads to the “pity ploy” sad stories that psychopaths tell about things that happened to them in their lives.  Now that I understand more about the disorder, I am so uncertain as to which parts of his life story are true.  In this respect, a lot of victims land up being detectives and spend so much of their time trying to uncover “the truth”.   I noted that my love either unconsciously re-wrote history in his mind or simply chose to believe a version of the situation that suited him at that a point in time.  So unless I was there at the time to witness what happened, there was nothing to go by .  His version, was quick sand.  The more you dig, the more “Word-Salad”  and “Gas Lighting”  occurs as a result.   I basically get lied to and mind fucked (pardon the expression) when I questioned his inconsistencies.  His lies affected my mental judgement and well-being, eventually leading to cognitive dissonance.  I still can’t believe that all his professed love was faked ?? .. for a desired outcome.
• Hurt versus Lies
• The start of Cognitive Dissonance
• cunning and manipulativeness — One step ahead.  He could manipulate a situation to his outcome with careful planning with his supply. Me included.  After all you were considered LUCKY if he asked you for your help or to borrow money – which he never returned of course. Why would he?  After all YOU were the one who offered to help.. he didn’t ask.  And he “created situations where the female partner would think she ended their relationship so that it would not make him look like an arsehole.  Lucky her!
• Psychopathic Relationships – How they play
• lack of remorse or guilt — if you have ever seen someone SMIRK after they hurt you, you will know … or if they have done something wrong and they eventually say “sorry” in a toss away manner just so you can move on and stop reminding the psychopath about it. But said to appease, not because they actually mean it.
• shallow affect / (superficial emotional responsiveness) —  I equate it to an expression – “Puddle Deep Love”.  There is a HUGE debate as to whether a psychopath CAN actually “love”.  Due to the fact that everyone has their version of what “love” is and there are different kinds of “love” depending on who we are referencing, I don’t know if he felt “love” for me the same way I did.   And compared to other women he had been with, was what he felt for me more intense as he proclaimed?   And was it “love” as he declared it or was he just faking it (“mirroring”)?   One thing I am sure of – a psychopath’s version of “love” lasts as long as he is intrigued or fascinated by you.  He will bombard you with attention and flattery and will not give up pursuit.  However, if he turns his attention else where ie. another woman, you would get minimal attention and scathing remarks for bothering him.  So even if psychopaths can “love”, it is short lived and unstainable through tough times … and therefore this is what is meant by puddle deep/ shallow affect.
• callousness and lack of empathy — sometimes he says things that are mean smirks as he says it.  If something unfortunate happens to others, his main comment would be “Probably deserved it” or “Must be karma”.  He held the opinion that EVERYONE manipulates each other to get the outcome they want – so why was he any different?  Well .. as he said, at least he was always “honest” with me and didn’t hide his true beliefs in life.  
• “Empath” – A newly learned word.
• Parasitic lifestyle — Has lived off others in terms of accommodation and finances partially in his life – again I can’t tell what is real and what was a lie – but he did move in with a woman because it was convenient after jail and claims it was because he loved her.  It is sad when you come across someone who has worked for most of his life and does not have a penny to his name after all these years.  He lost a lot of it when he went to jail and also I think when he leaves his women folk, he prefers to just “Up and Go” and take no baggage –  X-Box; training equipment; furniture included.  “Rolling stones gather no moss” as they say.
• poor behavioural controls — Yes my love had explosive temper; rage; foul language.  Whilst I thought it was “cute” to see him flare up (I was “the one” who could at least partly  calm him down during these episodes), it was very evident rage was an issue. I WILL give him credit – he did stop the foul language after much persuasion and determination as it was going to cost him his job at that point in time.  On the road,(witnessing as a passenger) when he got angry, the “Road Rage” was quite terrifying.  He did not hesitate to yell at the other driver and was more than happy to get out of the car and have a proper go.  The swearing at other drivers and testing the aspect of “who backs down last” was interesting to observe though.  In our world, may people proclaim to be this or that, but not many actually stand by what they say when it comes to the crunch.  He was willing to go for it – may be because he didn’t care about dying …  He hated any form of authority ie. being told off if he was in the wrong by a manager.
• sexual promiscuity  —   Where DO I begin? Starting with sex at age of 9 with 13 year old?! And without giving too much detail – I will just say lots and lots of women. Age was not a barrier to the challenges of targeting a woman.  He pursued his sister’s friends; his best friend’s wife’s sister; his Aunty (while she was still married); his neighbour (he was 15 she was 24);  his mum’s best friend; other work staff simultaneously;   online with teenagers.  Very experienced and very smug that he taught his women well.
• early behaviour problems — Always in trouble at school. Detention and punishment. Was kicked out of home at 15. His mother took him to a boys home and left him there as she could not control him.  He challenged her at every turn.  He said she did not like him because he reminded her of his dad (who was a womaniser).  Given that, I feel sorry that he was born 3 weeks prematurely during/after a car crash.  I can’t image how horrific it would have been and he often relates being in an incubator with the lack of closeness he feels towards him mother.  (I hope this story that he has told me is true?)
• lack of realistic long-term goals — If I said he never stayed at a job long enough than 1 to 2 years…. or be in any relationship longer than 3 to 4 years, would that be sufficient evidence? 
• impulsivity — Very much a live by the day type person. No savings and just did things and lived life with no consequences for tomorrow. For all the boasting he did about how much he earned in his career – all of it had been spent or wasted away.
• irresponsibility — “Not my fault! The box was labelled wrong. The goods were placed on the wrong shelf”. Umm…. but YOU packed the order?  and YOU placed the goods on the shelf? As I mentioned before, he rarely admitted to anything being his fault.  The minor crime he was convicted for was the fault of “the kid as she was manipulative”. In some ways as I think of him as a teenager in his behaviour…
• failure to accept responsibility for own actions — Penalties and fines incurred from traffic infringements were not his duty to pay.  Failed relationships were the fault of the women as they didn’t live up to their end of the bargain. 
• many short-term marital relationships —  One marriage with 2 kids; two engagements with two different women within 3 years (one of them landed up having his child whom he has never seen and she has had to move overseas to move on with her life) At this stage he does not see or have a relationship with any of his children.  His ex-wife has forbidden contact.  He seems regretful about this situation and appears to love his children at times and then on other occasions will say that he doesn’t care anymore about them anymore as they have their own lives.
• juvenile delinquency — Been in jail yes. Not too long though. Amazingly the stories he told me about the tactics he used for survival to protect himself was impressive.  Despite not being a bulky built thug (he is tall and slim), he knew what to do and who to befriend in order to survive the 6 months.   His stories of survival are quite amazing and I must say I was intrigued how he kept his mind going for 6 months whilst being stuck in jail.  Smokes and body building were the go.
• revocation of conditional release  — Yes the parole was breached (but I considered it a minor breach so I won’t claim this one)
• criminal versatility — (unable to comment. I don’t think he was a murderer one day then a mugger the next).

Along with the defining traits of a psychopath as listed above, there are also defining patterns of the nature of their romantic relationships  and treatment of their victims.  In general, most psychopaths run their relationships in predictable manner.  Once again, a reminder, not every psychopath is the same.  However, in my case, after I was able to pull away and study my love, I could see how his relationship had the defining pattern prescribed to psychopaths.  Psychopaths pick and target their victims – women with certain qualities suitable for manipulation.  Psychopathic Relationships – How they play  

In terms of friendships, as a general observation, my love preferred having lady friends and had very few male friends.   He was fine dealing with males at work, but he just had very few “mates”.  

Victims also find it very hard to pull away from their abuser as the mental hold a psychopath has over the victim is strong.  Think of it like the mental conditioning/ training of a dog (as crude as it sounds).  It is purely a “conditioning and reward system” during the duration of the relationship.  Even AFTER the victim finds out about the disorder,  trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome are appropriate ways of describing the stronghold  a psychopath has over his victims.  Victims are also referred to as “Supply”.  N.S.P Codex

If you ask “What is all the fuss about when you break up from a Psychopath versus a normal-person break up?”  The answer lies in the numerous recovery sites on the world wide web and the books written to date.   In a non-psychopathic relationship, you break up because you don’t think/know the relationship is not going to work out in the long term and you are not happy.  You knew the person, you had valid reasons for breaking up and you do this with a clear mind.  However, when you break up with the psychopath – you are still very much in love with him, but not really .. and you are happy, but not really and .. he seems genuine, but not really .. the reasons are all fluid and unfounded.  You break up with an unclear mind, worse still, with no closure.  How can your mind be clear thinking and be at peace, if you have been mind-fucked and are so confused?   Let alone stay sane when you are “Hovered” after the breakup?  (Some psychopaths do not like the fact that their victim escapes from them and even after the break, psychopaths continue to angle and dangle their victims with sorriness and regret – as cat do to mice).

There is speculation that psychopathy can come with secondary disorders such as being a hoarder or being OCD (obsessive) with something in life.  In this respect I am unable to ascertain if this is true. In my love’s case, he was a neatness freak by nature but would if he lived with another, he would adapt to their habits.  I think he learnt it was less trouble when he moves in with a woman if he “chameleoned” himself.  This aspect is also part of a self taught strategy psychopaths use called “Mirroring”

Now, all those listed traits above and my comments about my love are very judgmental observations from me.  But if I dared to contact the other women  he was involved or had been involved in (which I would love to but it would be pointless and dangerous too), I think I would not be the only one with those observations.

Besides – after meeting his best friend of 25 years once (who is no longer in contact with my love), and without my asking, says to me “HE IS A PSYCHOPATH.  HE LEAVES A TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION AFTER HIM” as he walked away – Who am I to argue with a stranger?

In addition, after I started to distance myself, I decided to message my love one day asking him curiously … “Do you know what you are?”  His response: “A psychopath”. 

He has known all along from his mid twenties and to a certain degree since he was a kid something was wrong with him.  He told me he did a search as to what was “wrong” with him after a string of failed relationships.  After all if your mother puts you in a boys home at the age of 15 because she is unable to control you, what message does that send to the child?  He made a very poignant observation in one of our recent discussions – “I will never know true happiness because I don’t even know who I truly am”.

BUT like a true psychopath,  within the next few days he denied it (in disdain, I will add claiming he said it to me because I expected him to say it???) and said to me, “I am not a psychopath. YOU ARE.”

Bravo my love. Another tick!

Can you have PTSD after being with a Psychopath

They say after an encounter with a Psychopath the victims (can) suffer from post trauma stress disorder.  In terms of “trauma”, you expect a victim to have been physically abused, been in a car crash or been through war. But really? After being in a relationship with a psychopath?  After all – none of those events have happened to me – so why would I be so pathetic to say I am going through PTSD?

I say at this stage that I am no longer with him. We went our separate ways under a year ago. But I have been in contact occasionally and at time more than occasionally … So I am officially at the Post breakup stage. I can claim the letter P.

During after the relationship, I was in tears – a lot. I cried mainly because my love and I could not be together even though we were in love. Those tears were mixed with other emotions which didn’t help the tears of course.

Emotions such as Jealousy – because at times I felt jealous that he expressed how he would love to ** another woman he saw on the street, or how the hairdresser would press his head into her breasts as she cut his hair. 

Emotions such as Fear because at times, he would get into such a rage at others around us and I feared he would not be able to control his temper and he would act on his statements such as “Come to your house and rape you  (the person he was threatening)”.

Emotions such as Hate as he tried to break up with me one day and then say two days later “Miss you and we will always be together no matter what”- and you know you are being mind f**ked.

Oh I have to go back to the emotion of Jealousy because you can also get jealous of the lady who massaged him years ago and couldn’t help herself at the massage session; or the drug dealer’s neighbor who took a fancy to him and begged him let her be his girlfriend; or the Canadian lady who got intimate with him over the Internet [until her husband found out and put an end to it], or the special lady friend who was abused by her father as a teenager and calls him “daddy” when she declares her love for him over Skype; or even the unknown “friend who stayed over because her house was too far but nothing happened between us”. 

Emotions such as Obsession where everything you do is for or about him – Feeding, caring, nurturing, supporting (psychopath was often depressed and had no money to buy his meals)…   

A lot of people who have been in/are in/ or are now out of relationships with psychopaths would have gotten to a point in their dealings where they say “OMG WTF!! What just happened to me? Is he a psychopath? Is THAT what he is?” ……. It is like coming out of a fog. Throughout the relationship, victims lose control over the situation and are in so deep, that even IF they can see what the psychopath is doing wrong, they make excuses for his behavior. To anyone who is amazingly logical and clear headed that sounds ludicrous. Just walk away! But when one is in love – and deeply in love – and believes that one can save and help the psychopath to live a better life, ALL efforts are worthwhile. Even if you give up your fundamental value systems. Pathetic eh? I will discuss that another time.  [Ref: TRAUMA BONDING]. Remember at this stage you are unaware that what you do has little or NO impact on his life. He is always in control and plotting his next move.

So after you have hit the WTF snow storm, analyzed, obsessed, assessed and more or less assessed that your love is a psychopath, what happens? You start to feel the pain. The pain of realization that all you done for him was in vain, that you have been duped, that you realize you cannot trust that people around you are at face value honest and do not lie to such a large extent; that you ACTUALLY love(d) this disordered person.  Your days become unlivable and you spend a lot of time researching the topic, thoughts about him can trigger massive crying sprees, you lose interest in exercising, you initiate the Bridget Jones ice-cream sessions, you “day dream” a lot. The words “day dream” have a connotation of loveliness and fluffy stuff. But in PTSD, day dreams are blank stares into space, with some feeling like you are sort of in the room physically but not there. (This happened 90 percent of the time initially but it has decreased to about 40 percent.)

I spend a lot of time living in MY MIND. (And I did this throughout my relationship with him) – questioning, trying to fathom out what I did/ he did that did not make sense, hating myself for not being able to walk away and say “No more of your shit, thank you” …

Apparently with trauma, the LHS of the brain shuts down and the RHS relives the moments. [Ref: The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk]. And that sounds like my kind of day dreaming. When I drift off, I feel nothing (sometimes I feel a tiny squeezy grip in the middle of my chest) – and then I just break down in tears and curl into a ball. I stop driving at that stage and pull over. At least I am not cutting myself as much and I have started taking anti-depressant pills. Now, can I claim the rest of the letters Post the TSD?

Suggested reading – I found these books very effective is describing Post Trauma Stress Disorder.  https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/body-keeps-score-van-der-kolk

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RX2ESIqsM

There I said it – I love a Psychopath

There comes a point in life when things so private, are so pervasive, that in order to survive, you need to spill it all out and you don’t care that the world knows about your pain.  I believe part of my recovery is to seek a road to indifference.

So here I am – my first post. I start my first entry with a statement.

“I love a Psychopath”.

To be honest, the correct statement should be “I accidentally fell in love with a psychopath” with all my heart. But the sad thing is, he can’t truly love me back. He was simply born that way.. or somewhere in the early years it happened to him – the psycho thing.

We met some years ago. I really don’t know if the universe brought us together or he just got lucky that I believed that the world was inherently good and I would be able to spot evil when I saw it. I felt it was love at second sight ie. I felt the rush the second day after we met.  It had been a very long time since I felt intrigued by another person. Nice eyes, tall and cheeky. I always had a thing for tall and “bad” boys – not that I knew he was “bad” on the second day as we had hardly spoken except at the interview. All I knew was that he was a chain smoker, had a rough upbringing, was abandoned by his dad at birth, kicked out of home as a teenager, wife cheated on him etcetera etcetera  etcetera … such a sad puppy with beautiful green eyes… so so sad. So so bad.

But i guess that was the first thing that drew me to him… the thought that maybe..maybe.. I could help him start or maintain a better life…

And there I got sucked in – and it started with the “Pity Ploy” draw card – the first, in a psychopath’s bags of tricks.  There are a few draw cards which I will describe later that they seem to use.

So I, the ultimate Empath fell in love with a Psychopath. Here is my story in vain hope that I can get over him and hopefully help someone else through their recovery journey as well.

There are many sites that define and discuss psychopathy. I guess for me –  I just want to share my story, my love, my hurt, my highs and lows and my recovery journey – it is just my view of the relationship, my experiences and observations. Call it a “Blogged Case Study”.

You can say “PsychopathMyLove” in a loving way that one uses when they are addressing some one they much love or in a way that you would say in a way “Yousayyoulovemebodymindandsoul? My arse!” Either way is fine depending on the discussion of my post.

My name is Kardela. And I accidentally fell in love with a Psychopath.