“Empath” – a newly learned word

In my lifetime, I had not heard of this word used so frequently until a few months ago. Exactly the same time that I learnt about the garden variety psychopath. It seems like psychopaths target or attract Empaths to a certain degree. The ones who are void of emotions look for the ones who are over-filled with emotions.

I have since purchased a book by Cindy Dale – which i will write about later but I first want to try to define myself first… that is – IF I am even an Empath.

I cry.  I cry at soppy romantic movies.  I cry when I see or witnesses sad things in life. I take comments more to heart than I think other people do.  It is like … things hit me harder emotionally.  I feel this surge of emotion – like I can relate to the situation of happiness or pain.  Be it for the characters in a movie or when I witness someone in pain  – I can relate to the situation … and … I cry.  Big tears, little tears… Sometimes I can watch the same movie again and still cry.

My father (who is very hardened by the war times and poverty) could not understand WHY I was so sensitive. When we would argue I would Just get upset at him for yelling at me. Then when I cried, he would yell even more!! – God knows it took me many years into my adulthood to work out how not to cry when we argued. I imagined every night for months building a brick wall between him and me so that whenever I had an argument, I would just hide behind it and not cry. Don’t get me wrong but he was not unloving in fact I know he would do anything for us kids. Just that he and I argued a lot about the way things should be done. Eventually I realised, I couldn’t change his point of view and be better off nodding and doing it my way quietly.

I like it when I make people happy.  I like to get a genuine smile from a stranger.  I care that my staff are happy working for me.  I love it when I watch an old couple interact in a way that shows they are still in love.  I like buying presents for my friends as surprises and more so for strangers who have shown me kindness.  I like doing random acts of kindness. (One of my favourites was buying four pairs of second hand shoes at an Op Shop for a stranger ie. he was unable to afford it).  I will go buy a meal and give it to a homeless person on the street if I am passing them – I don’t believe in giving them money.  I remember to write thank you cards or buy gifts for coaches or teachers who have made an effort.

So…. that is just me.  No one asks me and no one has taught me these weird habits or hangups – if you look at them negatively.

Aside from being more sensitive emotionally, based on art of facial readings, I think am a “water child”. (The Wisdom of Your Child’s  Face. Jean Harner).  Water children do feel emotions more deeply and hide their what’s really going on inside.  In many ways I know that whilst on the surface of the lake it looks calm, there is often a tsunami brewing under the still water if I am deeply unhappy about something.  I hold a lot within me before it explodes… so unlike my love who is short tempered and just lets fly – words,  action and all.  As strange as it may sound, he too was partly a “water child” to a certain degree.

I don’t have any special powerful gifts as far as I know.  But a few times now, I have “felt” strong emotions regarding a matter – enough to pass on to the living, a message from their deceased loved one.  Because my logical side can be sceptical, not all emotions pass through me easily without being analysed fully. 

Aside from that which I have mentioned ….Note: This comment I direct to a person who asked “Aside from emotions or thoughts – what other difference is there between a psychopath and an empath” … and others who live in between these classifications? “

Well – YES you are right – we both have to shit-shower-shave-work-eat-sleep-play. YES the days are or can be mundane at times or most of the time (and such is the nature of life).

YES we can have relationships and friendships with others. BUT in this respect, this is where we differ.

I am not talking about “acquaintances” in regards to this – I have friends and love ones (with the INTENTION of getting to know the person, helping and supporting them through tough times when needed, having laughs…. And NOT with the intention of getting to know them to manipulate or use later on… or to break them for that matter.  These people are not boring to me or drama queens because I enjoy their company and I do care about them when they are hurting.

And THIS difference is critical to non mundane part of our existence and being.  I seek to enhance, NOT manipulate, mock or destroy another….

There is more talk about psychopaths being able to turn an “empathy switch on” when asked to.  Well why don’t you turn it on all the time then?  It is because is not your normal mode of operation. By default, psychopaths don’t have the switch on because they are either not comfortable with it or built that way.

Just like I  have “I am a Bitch” switch that I turn on when someone riles me up, pushes me too far or expects too much from me… BUT – in essence, that switch is not “ON”. 

So we can go in circles arguing whether a psychopath can or is capable of feeling empathy BUT the real issue is what is the essence or intention of the person?   An empath’s intentions or essence is definitely not the same as a psychopaths. “ON or OFF” switches just don’t do it for me!!

As Givers, we sometimes for get the basics apply to ourselves as well. And so often we allow our defences down to accommodate those around us – be it the ones who “always” take and even the ones who “mostly” take – against what is considered far and beyond what we should be giving.      In the end there is no much left of ourselves to salvage.
I always wanted someone to “Protect” me – little did I know that the real hero had to come from within.
Out of RESPECT for One Self; One must PROTECT otherwise there will be nothing left to CHERISH…

A rule for anyone who perhaps has not realised that they have allowed someone else to take excessive advantage of their kindness…

RULE 48 DRAW THE LINES AROUND YOURSELF  Personal boundaries are imaginary lines you draw around yourself that no one should cross either physically or emotionally – unless invited in. You are entitled to respect, privacy, decency, kindness, love, truth and honour, to name but a few rights. If people cross the lines, blur the boundaries, you are entitled to stand up for yourself and say, “No, I won’t put up with this”.  Setting personal boundaries enables us to resist pushy people, rude people, aggressive people, people who would take advantage of us, people who would use us unwisely and unwell.   The more clearly defined are your boundaries, the more you realize that other people’s stuff is more to do with them than you. [“The Rules of Life” – Richard Templar]