Webster’s Dicktionary for the Psychopath

Oh well – why not? I can rattle them off anyway.  Let’s see how many I can get.   Here is a list of words and terms that are generally used to describe things in the Psychopathic World by victims.

A – is for the truly Amazing feelings one felt upon meeting the Psychopath and the constant Attention that was received during the courting period. It is also for the Abuse that was endured unknowingly by the victim. ; and for the unconstrained and unexpected Anger that the Psychopath displayed when he was angry at things or people who questioned him.   It is also the Acceptance needed when the victim realises that the situation is far worse than they could possibly imagine and the person they really love is a Psychopath.

B – is for the Blame that he places on you when HE does something wrong and you land up apologizing to him for his dishonestly! it is also for the lack of Boundaries that you did not put around you.

C –  is for Cognitive Dissonance that is caused by the confusion when the Psychopath plays Jekyll and Hyde in numerous aspects of the relationship;  Psychopathy’s nearest relative is listed under Cluster B Disorder – the Cluster B Disorder as described in the DSM [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders];

D – is for the Dickhead he is when he plays the Discard card.  Psychopaths are known for just breaking up ruthlessly and without any care for the way it is done. Victims are left reeling as to what just happened.  D is also for  Dupers Delight he gets when he pulls one over you; And for this Dicktionary of terms of his Deviancy

E –  is for the Emotional Vampire that he is.   The Energy draining relationship with him that sucks the life out of you.

F – is for the need to say “You are a Fuckwit – just like your dad was”  to him.  Thanks for taking advantage of my kindness.  It is also for the Forgiveness you have find to give yourself when you are trying to recover.  Knowing that you have Forgone so many other things in your life to give full attention to the Psychopath.

G – is for the Garden Variety Psychopath who live amongst us as Friends, Work Colleagues, Neighbours, Siblings, Partners etc.  They are not murderers nor are they the Top Gun CEO type characters. It is also for the victim’s trusting and Gullible nature ideal for getting conned by the Psychopath.

H – is for Hoover when he keeps hoovering around in and out of your life.  Just when you think he is gone – Poof! he appears again.  And if I had only known that he was telling the truth when he said “If a had a dollar for every person who said I Hate You, I would be a Millionaire”.  At least he would be rich and would not be sucking others dry.

I – is for Idiot; Me, of course, for being so silly to keep on giving when I should have stood back and said “No More – Enough is Enough! “.

J – if for the dichotomy of the Jekyll and Hyde personality he had.  He was loving one moment/day/week and then cold and disinterested and condescending and dismissive and angry the next.

K – for the Killer smile he had.  Yup! these womanizers are charming and just know what to say to make you feel loved and great about your presentation. Full points for that – My Love had been with a lot or women to gain all his experience since the age of 9…

L – is for the Love Bombing that you get the pleasure of experiencing at the Victim Lure stage.  This happens at the start where Psychopath “bombs” you with a flood of attention, message texts declaring love and adoration; 

M – is for the Mind Fuck that the Victim goes through during the relationship which results in Cognitive Dissonance;  The Psychopath also a tactic called Mirroring to mimics your likes/ dislikes /preferences just so that you think he has the same interests as you.  It is a luring tactic and Psychopaths are so apt at it most victims believe that the Psychopath is their Soul Mate!   Don’t forget the classic coping mask that the Psychopath has to put on in order to integrate with society – the Mask of Insanity.

N – is for NO Contact – An action taken when the Victim needs to cut loose all ties and communication with the Psychopath to gain freedom;  It also represents the victim’s  Naievity  [defined as innocence, lack of sophistication, lack of experience, ingenuousness, guilelessness, lack of guile, unworldliness, child-likeness, trustfulness] – what a Numnut for falling in love and tolerating so much! But NEVER AGAIN.

O – is for OMG!! I was such a douche for believing this man – let alone TRUST him with my heart and soul.

P – is for PSYCHO!!! It is also for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that one goes through after a relationship with a Psychopath.   There is also the Pathological Liar that he is .. you need to not believe anything that is verbalized unless you were there to witness it.  It also represents the Promiscuity and Pimping that the Psychopath has in all his relationships.

Q – is for the Questions he evades when he is silent, not contactable, disinterested and still has the gall to ask you to loan him monies via one short message, as he was love bombing another supply.

R – is for the Ruthlessness he displays at times matching the action of a Discard, Silent Treatment or Triangulation.  Yet he was SO gentle just yesterday .. It MUST be your fault he is acting like this.

S – is for the Stockholm Syndrome psychological effect that Victims are inextricably linked to the Abusers.  Refer case study  Stockholm Syndrome.   The Psychopath also needs his pool of Supply in order to survive. These are the women the Psychopath targets in order to get finances, lifestyle needs, sex, etc;  It is also for the Smirk he gives after Dupers Delight has been just played.   Don’t forget the very important … Silent Treatment!  The times when you wonder if you did something so wrong to upset him, or if he moved to another state,  or if he is talking to another woman/messaging on a kids site or if he is simply asleep – for a few days ? ..

T – is for Triangulation when the Psychopath plays one woman off another in order to keep both women on the edge and insecure.  Triangulation can also involve feeling jealous that the Psychopath is spending more time with his pet. There are also the classic Twenty Traits that test for Psychopathy from Robert Hare.

U – is for Unconditional Love you kept giving the Psychopath time after time thinking as others in his life have failed him, you can’t.  So you keep bearing and tolerating in vain hope he will see the love and light and turn his life around for the better.   U is also for the Unicorns that exist, just like the likely hood for the Psychopath making a permanent change for the better.

V – is for Victims. The people who love and care for these Psychopaths and those who have to understand and manage his disorder.

W –  if for the Word Salad that a Psychopath dishes out when you are having a discussion/ argument about a topic in order to throw you off the line of questioning.  Replies to your questions that are irrelevant but sound like they are related.

X – is for the XXX Extra Large pain you get when you are in/out/during/ a relationship with a Psychopath when he hurts you.  Somehow, they do it so well .. unless you get rid of them to another dimension. It is for the X-ray vision you need to have to see through all his tricks.

Y –  is for YOU.  When you realise that the Psychopath saw holes in you that he could fulfill and things you were lacking in your life.

Z – Is for … I give up. It is late. Need sleep ..

 

Psychopath Gallery – Eyes Seize Truth

During my time with the Psychopath, I used Art as a form of distracting myself and give myself some time to go into the zone.  A space in my head when the mindless chatter would sometimes slow down and I would be able to just space out.  Each of the Art pieces you see in the Psychopath Gallery could take from 1 to 4 hours to complete.  Each piece drawn represents A Concept or Emotion that I was confronted with about Psychopathy.   I have drawn about 60 odd pieces to date.

Here are two pieces I drew displaying the Concept of Seeing the Pain and the Truth.

Psychopath Gallery – “DRAGON TEAR”

He was born in the year of the Dragon.  Very much aware that he was different and had thoughts and perspectives so different from the rest of us.  I know he was at times saddened by all that he found hard to grapple with since a young boy.

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Psychopath Gallery – “EYES SEIZE TRUTH”  ..  A play on I see-the Truth ..

Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO.

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sp. Past Lives – Blood Pact – Friday the 13th

DO I BELIEVE IN PAST LIVES? Yes.  Can I prove it? No .. but I know I knew you My Love, from long before this current lifetime ..

I had asked 2 Psychics/Spiritual Beings about my past life with My Love.  And was told that I had 12 with him.  Lives that involved travel over the oceans, being siblings, husband and wife, captured harem … and the BLOOD PACT.   

I am still exploring this area as I personally have yet to encounter an incident that proves that I have memories of a past life.  My Love is/was the first time I even contemplated this concept.  You know this concept of “Love at first sight” – in all my years, I have not ever had a deep feeling that I actually KNOW a person after just meeting them.  Our bond I felt, was strong – despite his disorder. Even now, many months later – I still feel it.  I feel him in me …

We apparently made a blood pact in a previous lifetime before we ended our lives together – slashed wrists, crossed and held our wrists – and jumped.. BUT I think it is time we set ourselves free in this lifetime. Despite our bonds being so strong. I know we have been together before – the feelings between us are so strong .. unimaginable. 

But surely there can’t be happiness in so much madness.  Which Succubus did you make a contact with? I hope you find a way out …

My heart I know, belongs to you and I knew you even before I even met you … but during our time together,  when being with you hurts so much due to your madness and treatment of me, I wished I could rip my heart out at times.

But lately, since you released me ever so slightly,  I feel that maybe, just maybe – we can just love each other from afar. Please don’t hoover me anymore – Let me go –  if you truly love me.

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Wild African Dog

Ending a relationship with NO CLOSURE

Victims often find it hard to end a Psychopathic Relationship – Often the victim HAS to walk away, having NO CLOSURE to the relationship.  Either you leave the psychopath or he leaves you.  It is rarely amicable. Unlike in a normal relationship generally, both parties get to sit down, talk things over and decide, “Oh well, it is better we part as it is not going to work”.

If you leave him, you run the risk of him being vicious and vindictive as he is not ready to let go, or if he lets you “go”, you will be hovered and pursued again after some time has elapsed.

If he leaves you – it tends to be sudden and then there is generally silence.  The psychopath has either latched on to another source of supply or has realised his relationship with his current supply (whom he was playing off against you) needs saving.

But if you don’t leave you will  continue to argue with the psychopath about why he treated you “that way” or lied.  But try ..  you need time as you are SO confused, you need space to think.  By then your mind is full of jumbled thoughts and “jumping monkeys” that you no longer live in the space of the current time.

WALKING AWAY when I still loved my love so much was one of the most painful and hardest things I have had to do.  He wasn’t ready to let me go and he wasn’t happy that I then had control over the relationship.  He was so used to testing and teasing me with the line “OK – This is it then ..” to which I would then retract my accusations and accept the situation as it was.  But this time, I found the courage and strength to start the “No Contact” process.  Victims need to go No Contact even if it is for a short time to start off.  I urge you if you can, have a break, a small one if you can’t think of it forever. Try to set a time frame of 2 weeks .. 1 month .. 3 months to start.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE PAST THE FOG IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRAPPED IN IT.

Here are some questions I have for the my love, the wolf…

  • WHAT does it feel like to want to devour another – body, mind and soul?
  • DID you really love me – in whatever capacity you had? ie. Did I mean something to you compared to the others?
  • WHEN your soul is empty do you fill yourself up with the emotions from others? Is that why you find it unbearable to be on your own with your own company? Without these emotions would you really feel bored? Couldn’t you just join a soccer team and do sport like other people do?
  • IS this game or intention something you actually get joy out of? ie. making friends with unsuspecting women/teenagers to try to get them to say they love you or send you a photo of themselves within a maximum of 6 messages?
  • IS life all about getting a person to confide in you – you feel like it is “win” that they trust YOU – a total online stranger – with all their deep secrets?
  • I read that you actually can’t feel empathy or love (as best as we can define it) – or CAN you? If you can, does it ever last and how long? Was I one of the longest you had?
  • WHY do you get bored with women so easily and move from one to another?  Is it that once you have studied them sufficiently, you need new challenges?
  • DOES the knowledge that someone really loving you NOT mean anything to you?
  • WHICH bits of your life stories that you have told me are real?
  • Do you know I truly feel sorry for you in the sense that you will land up old and lonely just like your dad in his dying days? You hated him so much for leaving you and your mum and for being a womaniser but yet you are just like him…

I gave you – Me, My Heart and Unconditional Love. EVEN NOW – knowing what you are – if I knew you were in an accident or really needed help, I would still come.  I think I will always feel this way even with the passing of time. I love you, you dickhead Psychopath.

But for now- I have to cut my losses. Too much was not making sense and I was getting sick of the silent treatment and the dismissive devaluing comments.

MORE TO FOLLOW:  Leaving a Psychopath is a dangerous move.