Tag: neuroplasticity

The Truth Hits Home – A Psychopath’s Brain

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Sandra Brown. Women who love Psychopaths

Written back in Dec 2016.  Publishing now August 2018.

Today marks the third day of me reading this book.  It has been a long tiresome journey of one and a half years after discovering his disorder.  I feel like I have had to read and research a million books and sites to get this this part of my journey!  This book by Sandra Brown “Women Who Love Psychopaths” was known to me at the beginning of my suspicions but due to circumstances I could not get the book immediately.  I am glad that I didn’t because reading it now is the right time for me.

Sandra’s book is gut wrenching because it hits on ALL THE POINTS for why I was such a target .. The role of what and who I am plays such an important part of our relationship. How my personality traits allowed him to get so close to me and also take advantage of all my strengths to make them my weaknesses.  In this aspect, this is the only book that I have come across that maps out the characteristics that are similar between the Super Empathic victim and the Psychopathic abuser – why the relationship works so well for both parties in fulfilling their needs.  Despite hating myself for being conned by him all these years, I felt better having read why I was so inclined to do so due to the type of characteristics I had.  It made me realise why I did not give up on him when so many others might have abandoned a lost cause.  “Women Who Love Psychopaths” also high lights the relationship patterns that are so common in all the victim’s stories.

Sandra harps on the point that a Psychopath is unable to make permanent or lasting changes to their behaviour, resulting in ineffective relationships and eventual harm to the women to who love them.   She brings home the point when she asks if one would ask something of a mentally retarded or disabled person that they are so incapable of doing  –  the SAME applies to a Psychopath.  Well .. I imagined a person with no legs – asking them to run. Well they can’t and they never will be able to – they just don’t have that piece of equipment. Whilst all this while I had read that a Psychopaths brain was different, it took this imagery in my mind to truly understand that I, in a mental capacity was asking My Love to do things he would never be able capable of doing in the first place.

This book and numerous others, discuss the fact that due to the lack of physical development in a few areas of a Psychopath’s brain, he is emotionally unable to feel Empathy.  As a result, a Psychopath does not have the ability feel the hurt he causes, and that lack of feeling means that he is able to re-offend without much thought or care. If you put your hand in fire and you don’t get burnt like others, it is inconsequential to you if you put it in fire again.  However, if you want to fit in with the rest of the crowd, then you will pretend that upon touching fire, your facial expression should be of agony, you jump up and down waving your hand in the air and you cry from the pain.  

When a Psychopath realises at some stage of his life that he is different, he learns to cope and blend in with society using  a from of detached learning.  In this way, a Psychopath has to compensate by remembering what the outcomes  or reactions are from those around him, to different emotional situations created by him.  He learns to be very observant and is constantly studying reactions and body language.  Due to the Psychopath’s innate desire to be top dog,  it will always be a game of emotions to dominate as many women as he can lure throughout his life.

Generally, their level of emotional development age stays around a biological age of a teenager – perhaps fifteen, sixteen years of age.   He may look like a man, behave sexually like a man, have the bravado like a cave man BUT every other aspect of his character demonstrated irresponsibility and recklessness similar to the level of  teenager still figuring out life.

SO … to SANDRA BROWN – A BIG THANK YOU for helping me finally get over the line.  I GET IT FINALLY !! http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com

I have read and researched SO MUCH about the brain, psychopathy and spirituality all these 18 months.  It has been EXHAUSTING and I a very tired.  But every bit of information is starting to sink in, piece together and I am actually able to stand back and look at him in a different light. Weirdly, I am also finding him a “fascinating” subject because I can now predict his reactions and movements. I feel detached from him and he no longer feels like a mystery or a wonderful human being in my eyes anymore. Merely a subject for my analysis.  I watch him with caution and detachment.  And with resentment and hatred too.

In some ways, when I look at all the helpless blubbering messes women turn into at the hands of a Psychopath, I wonder why we allowed ourselves to get to that stage and what state are we left in at the end of the relationship?  It is embarrassing, it is ridiculous.  And yet, the victims, women who are strong, women who are kind, all sorts of women with traits that “match” the Psychopath’s needs – are left destroyed and confused.  I know that Sandra Brown’s book mentions that the women who love Psychopaths generally have high functioning, have self sufficient, with good careers and back grounds – but based on the contact I have had from readings and sites, it seems that there is just as large a population of women who do not necessarily have those characteristics.  I feel that as long as there is a benefit of some sort ie. free accommodation, some cash flow support, etc the Psychopath will use anyone as convenience.  However, yes it does make sense that a more well endowed victim would be preferred if there was a choice.

From Sandra Brown’s book and others that I have read, here are the messages that I truly believe every victim who has been through a destructive Psychopathic relationship should try to understand:-

  • Psychopaths can never change PERMANENTLY.  All changes are “short lived” due to the fact that their brains are built in a way that do not allow them to learn from their experiences.  Faulty wiring that CANNOT be fixed.  Any attempted changes to their ways generally they falter and they revert back to their “default” setting.   In this sense, I really saw how hard he wanted to start a fresh, be good and make something out of his life BUT he was never able to sustain it for longer than a month? two months? a week? Each woman he hooked up with offered a new promise to a normal life – but he always fucked it up. And within a period of time (generally 2 years)  the relationships were torn and tattered and he had to move  on.  Other failed lifestyle changes included – He tried to stop smoking – a billion times;  He said he was going to start saving, pay his fines on time and not live day to day – a million times;   He promised to stop getting so angry and using abusive language – a thousand times. He said he would not hurt me anymore – a hundred times.
  • There is a natural tendency for a Psychopath to want to have the upper hand, to manipulate and hurt.  As long as you stay with the Psychopath, you will always be a VICTIM.  He will always cheat on you and play with your emotions.
  • Unless you change the way you behave and think about the Psychopath, he will continue to lure you back in after each discard.  YOU have all the traits that make you compatible to the Psychopath.  Hence that is why YOU as an empathic person were targeted.  If the toy does not make a sound when the bully prods it, the bully will leave it alone.   The Psychopath needs you to preen HIS feathers!!!
  • STOP believing or trying to understand if he ever loved you.  It was always a one-way relationship.  Psychopaths ATTACH and you LOVE … When Sandra mentioned this in her book, it made me think hard about the concept.  If we are referring to attachment, we refer to objects such as a favorite pair of shoes or handbag.  From his perspective,  I was just another shoe, another coat.  I may have been one of his favorite ones, or maybe not.

I also found Ron Johnson’s book The Psychopath Test a very good read – being a journalist, he presented the topic in a very detached manner; comical and cynical –  his book explored the subject matter in a detached manner and I started with this book at beginning of my research as it approached psychopathy in a non personal manner.

In summary – once the penny dropped and I understood the true nature of psychopathy, I decided that all the effort that I had put into the relationship over the many years was for little to no gain.  The only gain was that I learnt about me as  hyper-empath because another type of personality could take advantage of me for who I was.   

If I didn’t want to be a current or future target anymore, I had to change some things :-

  • Establish some boundaries of in terms of how much I was willing to do in terms of helping others.
  • Keep my core essence of being empathetic but remember save myself before I saved others.
  • Not jump in too deeply and quickly when trying to help others.  Assess the person in a more critical light ie. be less trusting.

For all the women who ever loved Psychopaths – Do not underestimate the amount of time you needed to research the topic of Psychopathy,  the understanding required to comprehend what the disorder is all about,  the patience and acceptance of your situation to get to a calm stage in order to execute an exit plan and the strength and determination needed to survive the mind-fuck, abuse and PTSD.

I know there is the defense that due to the fact that the Psychopath has the inability to “help” himself due to brain limitations, “It is not their fault they were born this way”.  But neither is it your fault if you decide to give up and defend yourself from harm.  A Psychopath has to figure out how to survive with his disabilities and he will continue to use as many women and friends as he can to make it through this lifetime.  If you adopt a path of sympathetic reasoning, knowing full well that he is a Psychopath, you will never get yourself out of his loop of abuse.   Instead, go back to basics:  You cannot save him because he cannot be saved.    He does not need you to survive – but you will not survive if you stay.  SO SAVE YOU and DON’T STAY.

RESOURCES WORTH CHECKING OUT

https://www.rd.com/true-stories/neuroscientist-brain-psychopath/

 

Psychopath Gallery – Eyes Seize Truth

During my time with the Psychopath, I used Art as a form of distracting myself and give myself some time to go into the zone.  A space in my head when the mindless chatter would sometimes slow down and I would be able to just space out.  Each of the Art pieces you see in the Psychopath Gallery could take from 1 to 4 hours to complete.  Each piece drawn represents A Concept or Emotion that I was confronted with about Psychopathy.   I have drawn about 60 odd pieces to date.

Here are two pieces I drew displaying the Concept of Seeing the Pain and the Truth.

Psychopath Gallery – “DRAGON TEAR”

He was born in the year of the Dragon.  Very much aware that he was different and had thoughts and perspectives so different from the rest of us.  I know he was at times saddened by all that he found hard to grapple with since a young boy.

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Psychopath Gallery – “EYES SEIZE TRUTH”  ..  A play on I see-the Truth ..

Open your eyes and see the truth for what it is. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO.

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About Suicide – The Thick of Cognitive Dissonance

For me … the years of Cognitive Dissonance with the psychopath, led me to want to die.  

Constant thoughts everyday – that were conflicting –  that did not make sense – and that were not coherent in my heart and mind. They were exhausting to manage.  I was talking to myself every minute of the waking day.  

Looking back,  I can say that I got myself into a state of Madness.  He had trained me to give him my utmost trust and love and yet I had so many doubts about him. With both logic and emotions battling it out inside me – it was NOT A GOOD PLACE to be. He had done enough to make me doubt him; YET I loved him deep to the core against everything that was logical.

I had a big battle – either to stay (with my family) or leave (to start over with My Love).   I truly hated being torn every single day – knowing that I wanted to be with him but my gut feel was “it was not quite right”.  I knew if I gave up everything to be with him it would probably not work out.  AND yet everything I had in my life paled in comparison to my exhilarating moments with him and his different attitude to life.  But there was no way I could hurt my family for him.. or could I?? Circular thoughts with beaded obstacles.  Like a bracelet with no clasp to unlatch … 

It did not help that I had a strong preference for BOTH logic and emotion to agree before i made any decision so that made it impossible to come to a decision (ref: Simian Line on palm). A logical person would have said “No”,  and an emotional person would have said “Yes”.

Every time I think about it the incident .. the thought that MAYBE I could have died; or that maybe I wish that it had worked; or that I didn’t even know that was what I was doing until after the event – I still cannot believe it actually transpired.

Even after the years have passed, my emotions associated with the event don’t seem to have lessened in their intensity.   I can reach down inside and grab the rawness of those moments and relive those feelings of helplessness; self-hatred; feeling trapped and feeling my thoughts just spiraling out of control.  With each extra tablet I was putting in my mouth I knew I was getting closer to a place I wanted to be at .. darkness and peace.  Or so I thought..

Unfortunately being prone to depression runs in my maternal family line.  My maternal Grandmother, committed suicide in her late 60’s. I was told that they found her on a rope; upstairs;  at the family home.  I would have liked to have known more about her circumstances but as you know, everything is hush-hush when it comes to topics like these.  All I knew was that she was an extremely paranoid person and often carried a knife in her handbag to protect herself.  As for my own mother, she suffered 3 depressive episodes in her mid-life 30’s 40’s 50′ – of which I helped nurse her through 2 of them.

And I guess I am therefore genetically, a good candidate for depression and more.  This post is more to relay what happened to me that night than to discuss the onset of my depression.

I knew that I was getting more and more depressed with all that was going on – My love at that stage, was 2 years with me .. his relationship with his then fiancée was on off on off and I was head over heels in love and also not available.  One day when I discovered that she had kicked him out I REALLY wanted to suggest let’s just do it and move in together.  BUT I was afraid of hurting those around me. At that stage I obviously had no clue I was dealing with a psychopath.  

So my circular thoughts ran in this order >- Convinced he loved me -> Felt bad he was breaking up with his fiancee -> knowing that at the same time he was “hitting” on other women (all “on-line” of course, so it wasn’t “real”) -> I was always feeling jealous but being told not to be because they are “just thoughts” ->  And me not wanting to rock the boat with my family and everything structured around me -> Knowing that I could not possibly therefore be with him -> feeling bad that maybe I was the cause of the breakup.

… you get the drift – my mind was every where but at peace and crying most days.  And that is true Madness.

That evening he returned to her and I told myself that this was a good opportunity to break up.  I remember standing outside and looking at a double rainbow.  It was beautiful, light rain on my face.  It was evening and I was messaging him when he said he was back with her and could not talk to me anymore for the evening.  So we said bye for the day.  I was convinced the double rainbow was a sign that all was as planned.  Let go I kept telling myself. Let go .. you have to be free. So I went home and wept.  At that stage I had pretty much been crying most days over  2 year period (silently, in the quiet of the night or in the bathroom where the others wouldn’t see me a ask why).  I always felt a sense of anguish – about our relationship .. a deep longing and like a sense that we had something to settle – something like a debt in this lifetime. 

I went to sleep as I was exhausted.  But after a couple of hours I was still tossing.  I was restless ..  At that stage,  I was spending a whole heap of my day in my mind “talking” to him when I wasn’t with him.  [This I would like to discuss more in another post].  Suddenly I got frustrated and sick of myself.  A deep strong voice just said to me – YOU ARE A COWARD and COWARDS DESERVE TO DIE –   I, of course, was thinking back to the opportunity I had that he was available (ie. he got kicked out of the house yesterday/today) and  that I was a true coward and not just making a decision.  That inner voice got madder and angrier as the night progressed and by 2 am I had had enough myself.  So I took a variety of tablets (mainly Panadol) to try to drown that horrible nagging voice out and to actually try to get some sleep.  In the midst of it all, somehow, I lost the reason WHY I had started taking the tablets and I became obsessed with saying to myself  > YOU ARE A COWARD.  COWARDS DESERVE TO DIE.<  It repeated in me, OVER and OVER, each time it was more and more convincing.  I still couldn’t sleep and at two hourly intervals just kept taking a mixture of tablets.  Finally at 6am I was exhausted and did get some sleep.

The morning came and I was feeling drowsy and heavy headed.  I had to drive daughter to the hairdressers for an appointment.  As I couldn’t do it as asked for assistance and I just mumbled some instructions to the cutter and was driven back to rest – under the pretense of me just feeling a headache coming on.  By 2 pm that day I was really feeling the effects of the tablets and  was losing consciousness for what seemed like micro-seconds.  When I nearly hit my head on the bathroom sink as I lost consciousness, I knew that if I wasn’t careful, I was going to slip into a place unknown to me ever … I went back to lay down and within the next hour, it got worse.  I decided then I would have to have to tell my husband what had happened ie. what I had taken overnight BUT not let him decide what to do.  He knew I was going through “depression” but not much else.   Finally he convinced me that I needed to be admitted into Emergency and we drove to the nearest hospital.   I was still coherent but very fuzzy in my brain.  The doctor who examined me questioned me about the reasons why I took a variety of pills over the course of the night and whilst I kept saying it was due to the fact that I was just trying to get some sleep, he seemed unconvinced.   He called me as a high functioning person – therefore implying I had an ulterior motive for the incident. And if I tried to discharge myself out of hospital, he would have to restrain me and send me off to the more serious hospital in the city to be attended to.  Never in my life had I ever been told this sort of ultimatum.  I JUST wanted to go home and sleep it off!! I was fine!  

But no … I had to stay under orders.   The first night was the hardest.  In my mind, I kept slipping away, like really going down deep into a heavy dream state.  I kept groping my way through the darkness within my dreams to return to consciousness.  At one stage I even seemed to float past the rows of the Akashic Records.  I had been wanting to be allowed in for so long.  But I really did not want to go permanently from the world I knew.  My family, my kids.  SO I kept fighting to return to the consciousness of my hospital room that night.

I stayed overnight and another 5 more days with a 24 hour watch over me for the first 3 days.  Imagine my embarrassment on the first night, whilst still very groggy, having a stranger (ie. overnight male nurse)  in my hospital room, who had to stay awake to watch over me.  Followed by another 3 others over the next few days .. one even probing me why I did it!  Just wanted to tell her – it is none of your business! But I just kept quiet from the shame of it all. It was weird to see the drip in my arm and feel the cool rush of the solution push through my body.  I had enough of it to flush out or at least counteract the toxicity of the levels I had in my blood stream.  Plus the daily visits from the doctors and mental health professionals who were all asking the same question – Why do you do it?   [By the way, when a doctor comes into your room with a club of trainees asking your well being and all the questions, you do have the right JUST to see the doctor.  You are not obliged to spill the beans to every stranger in the ward.]    Every medical document or  referral that is churned out for me now bear the printed words “Overdose – [31813].” 

I got home eventually and have photos I took of the sunrises from my room window on the days I was in hospital which I look at sometimes.  Every year since then, this event continues to hit me on its anniversary. 

At least for now, as I have written everything down that I want to say about it, maybe a part of it will shift for me.   I will not be able to say for sure whether I did intend to suicide or not, but it was on the conscious mind as far as I can tell.  When hell is going though your mind, that Voice seems to take over. 

It is important to be careful when being with a Psychopath. He challenges you by introducing his hate for the world and slowly introduces thoughts that are not akin to what you believe in.  “He” becomes part of the Voice of hate that constantly fights you on the inside.  The same Voice that hates you for overriding your core moral and basic good self.    Keeping a tidy and safe mind is so hard to do when you are with a Psychopath.  There is no way anyone can possibly justify being a life long partner to a Psychopath, so please don’t listen to that Voice when it tells you to give up everything for him – including your own life.

… well I am glad that I am still here.  Happy Anniversary for this year.

Recovery from the Psychopath – Yes YOU CAN

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“Reprogramming” to change the way neurons connect and create new Synapse connections

Psychopath Gallery – “REPROGRAMMING SYNAPSES”.  Think differently about the Psychopath and allow your brain to see him in a different way.

To UNDO how one feels about someone, how one responds to words and suggestions is really hard.  Imagine undoing Pavlov’s dog’s training. The fact that you were being trained and groomed without even knowing it!  The love bombing and constant attention is SO addictive.   Not to mention the attention, adoration and for somebody else who takes control (caveman type control)… 

Slowly, unknowingly, one relies on these stimulus to give us the highs for the day and to a worse degree, to feel good about oneself. And after leaving the Psychopath, even a small reminder can cause so much heartache and pain.  And believe me .. NO other normal person can possibly give you the type of INTENSE relationship the Psychopath did.  

So how does one change one’s reaction and feelings towards such a strong stimulus? CHANGE HAPPENS WHEN  YOU HAVE INTENTION AND A WAY TO REPROGRAM YOURSELF. 

Firstly – You must recognize that you have been conditioned and trained.  All of it – 100% manipulated and per-orchestrated.  And the good news is – you are not the first. Many others have fallen prey before and you are not stupid, just a bit too giving .. Read read read – look at how you are reacting to the Psychopaths messages, words and look for times when he is in the wrong and you find yourself apologizing.  If you can catch yourself in the act of apologizing,  take a breath and STOP. 

What are your responses to when he pays attention, not pay attention, say I love you, not say it, silence? cold tones, loving gushy tones, when he mentions other women in a subtle way, in an intense way …  YOU have become your own subject to analyse.  Which words have an impact and why? Is it the fact he says he loves you numerous times a day?  is it the sexting? is it the soft toned longing voice that he uses?  I must have needed all that there was a void that he simply filled

…   Within a few years of being with My Love, I realized how much I had changed, slowly and surely he HAD changed me.  I will say that there were GOOD things that happened out of the relationship for me – because he paid attention to me, I was paying attention to me too in all facets of my life. So I am grateful for those changes but not for the pain it was part of the relationship.

If you can  TRULY understand that you have been groomed and conditioned, you can try to change.

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Secondly  – You need to UNLEARN your preconditioned responses to the Psychopath.  There is definitely a choice to change and scientific research points to the fact our brain creates new synapses and neuron connections as long as we choose to respond differently to the same stimulus.  You need to study the Psychopath and study yourself. 

For example, when the Psychopath does not message, tell yourself not to be in such as hurry to reach for the phone and ask why or say you  miss him.   Give it a day, or more if you can manager and see if HE eventually responds.  

For example, when the Psychopath asks you for money, DON’T be so quick to offer it.  Ask when and IF he will return it; offer to loan half the amount; try saying you don’t have the money – watch his reaction to your  non-typical responses.

When he showers you with loving messages, don’t be as gushy and reduce the frequency of your responses; say less; talk about other things and once again, watch his reaction to your  non-typical responses.

Eventually, you will get the hang of your science experiment and with each experiment you will see yourself change and understand how the psychopathic conditioning happened to you. Test out your theories .. the Psychopath has taken pains to study your patterns, do the same for him. 

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Thirdly – You need repetitive reinforcement. Set an Intention and a “Self Talk Phrase”.  For Intention, a vision that you are free and happy again (just google this subject as it is thoroughly covered).  Carry this vision as often as you can.  

Find a few sentences (ideally 3 to 4) that you can repeat  OVER and OVER again every time things get hard.  Anything from “I love you but you are toxic“; “You have hurt too many times and I choose to move on”; “I do not need you; I know you are with other women”.  Every time you are triggered by him, by you and when you think you cannot deny him, REPEAT the same set of sentences to yourself.  I also suggest using a form of EMDR whilst doing your Self Talk. I repeated my self talk for at least 6 to 9 months, 10 to 4 times a day.  

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In the months during my attempts of NO CONTACT .. I wrote this: – With some distance now, I can see how I was trained to behave and react to his comments.  When he said/messaged “You should come and do this”  it meant that I HAD to do it.  If I suggested an alternative activity, it was not going to happen – only his way.   And stupidly, I would fret when he became silent when I did not agree with him.  All this I had to reverse and reprogram while going through my hoover stage now. Yes he is still lingers ..as I have not gained full strength.

I know it is hard to try to change feelings and reactions – triggers and tears BUT each piece of knowledge I gain about the brains, the surrounding electrical and energy fields, our spiritual and scientific self can help our final healing.   

*****

References

 

Ending a relationship with NO CLOSURE

Victims often find it hard to end a Psychopathic Relationship – Often the victim HAS to walk away, having NO CLOSURE to the relationship.  Either you leave the psychopath or he leaves you.  It is rarely amicable. Unlike in a normal relationship generally, both parties get to sit down, talk things over and decide, “Oh well, it is better we part as it is not going to work”.

If you leave him, you run the risk of him being vicious and vindictive as he is not ready to let go, or if he lets you “go”, you will be hovered and pursued again after some time has elapsed.

If he leaves you – it tends to be sudden and then there is generally silence.  The psychopath has either latched on to another source of supply or has realised his relationship with his current supply (whom he was playing off against you) needs saving.

But if you don’t leave you will  continue to argue with the psychopath about why he treated you “that way” or lied.  But try ..  you need time as you are SO confused, you need space to think.  By then your mind is full of jumbled thoughts and “jumping monkeys” that you no longer live in the space of the current time.

WALKING AWAY when I still loved my love so much was one of the most painful and hardest things I have had to do.  He wasn’t ready to let me go and he wasn’t happy that I then had control over the relationship.  He was so used to testing and teasing me with the line “OK – This is it then ..” to which I would then retract my accusations and accept the situation as it was.  But this time, I found the courage and strength to start the “No Contact” process.  Victims need to go No Contact even if it is for a short time to start off.  I urge you if you can, have a break, a small one if you can’t think of it forever. Try to set a time frame of 2 weeks .. 1 month .. 3 months to start.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE PAST THE FOG IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRAPPED IN IT.

Here are some questions I have for the my love, the wolf…

  • WHAT does it feel like to want to devour another – body, mind and soul?
  • DID you really love me – in whatever capacity you had? ie. Did I mean something to you compared to the others?
  • WHEN your soul is empty do you fill yourself up with the emotions from others? Is that why you find it unbearable to be on your own with your own company? Without these emotions would you really feel bored? Couldn’t you just join a soccer team and do sport like other people do?
  • IS this game or intention something you actually get joy out of? ie. making friends with unsuspecting women/teenagers to try to get them to say they love you or send you a photo of themselves within a maximum of 6 messages?
  • IS life all about getting a person to confide in you – you feel like it is “win” that they trust YOU – a total online stranger – with all their deep secrets?
  • I read that you actually can’t feel empathy or love (as best as we can define it) – or CAN you? If you can, does it ever last and how long? Was I one of the longest you had?
  • WHY do you get bored with women so easily and move from one to another?  Is it that once you have studied them sufficiently, you need new challenges?
  • DOES the knowledge that someone really loving you NOT mean anything to you?
  • WHICH bits of your life stories that you have told me are real?
  • Do you know I truly feel sorry for you in the sense that you will land up old and lonely just like your dad in his dying days? You hated him so much for leaving you and your mum and for being a womaniser but yet you are just like him…

I gave you – Me, My Heart and Unconditional Love. EVEN NOW – knowing what you are – if I knew you were in an accident or really needed help, I would still come.  I think I will always feel this way even with the passing of time. I love you, you dickhead Psychopath.

But for now- I have to cut my losses. Too much was not making sense and I was getting sick of the silent treatment and the dismissive devaluing comments.

MORE TO FOLLOW:  Leaving a Psychopath is a dangerous move.